dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
