I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
