I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
