I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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