Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
