I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
