She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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