She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
