I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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