How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
