Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
