mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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