haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
