but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Congratulations! We have a period
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
