We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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