I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
