How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
