Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
