It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
