you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
