So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
