dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
