My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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