i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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