I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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