i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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