It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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