yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
