i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
