Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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