I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
