I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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