The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
