no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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