i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
