The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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