You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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