OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
