just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We need a shit load of segways right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize