I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
