if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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