Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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