Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
