Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
someone owes me an orgasm
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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