community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
