I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
