I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
