just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
