both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
