Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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