Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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