in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
