wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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