Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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