Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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