what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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