I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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