I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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