The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
