wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
