He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
