So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
