I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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