I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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