that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
