We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
