It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
