we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
