i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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