Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
