So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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