I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
