Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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