Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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